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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25621582">Good For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloakoflevitation/pseuds/cloakoflevitation'>cloakoflevitation</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit | Janus Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Feelings, Gen, No Beta – You Say What You Need To Say, Post-Episode: Can LYING Be Good??, Song: Good for You (Dear Evan Hansen), on god we gonna get you a hug bro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 08:20:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25621582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloakoflevitation/pseuds/cloakoflevitation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the "Can Lying Be Good" episode. Janus confronts Virgil about joining the light sides (re: leaving him and Remus). The angst is strong in this fic. It's sad boi hours with Janus, and he will yell and accuse until he eventually dissolves into tears and begs to know <i>why did you leave?</i> But there will be a happy ending because this is my fic and I get to make the rules.</p><p>(Just.. the progression of being angry and accusing... to straight up insulting... to bitterly sarcastic... to desperately confused... to teary-eyed pleading... That's hands down the best way to break a character.)</p><p>***Warnings: Swearing</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Hurt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSweaterMan/gifts">MrSweaterMan</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263388">What You Wanted</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaacTheGreat69/pseuds/IsaacTheGreat69">IsaacTheGreat69</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I read <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263388">What You Wanted</a> by @IsaacTheGreat69 which led me to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC54xe1S7o4">this animatic</a> on youtube by @teardroppeddew which led me to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5B9RWJor4c">this song,</a> Good For You from Dear Evan Hansen.</p><p>Also thank you @FluffySpirits for leaving me a kind comment on a different fic &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So that’s it?”</p><p>The voice surprised Virgil. He had thought he was alone in the dark living room, all the others long since gone to sleep, but he whirled around to find Janus standing a few feet behind him. He blinked, trying and failing to make sense of what Janus had asked. “What?”</p><p><em>“I said,</em> so that’s it?” Janus’s gaze narrowed. “You can stand across from me, in front of your <em>friends,</em> in front of Thomas, and you can just pretend that you don’t know me, that I mean nothing to you?”</p><p>Outrage flared in Virgil’s chest. “I don’t have to pretend,” he spat, watching Janus shrink back at his words. “You <em>do</em> mean nothing to me.”</p><p>Something pained crossed Janus’s face, almost too fast for him to catch. It was quickly replaced by anger and a sneer. “Well, I’m glad you found your precious <em>light</em> sides. What a picture-perfect little family you all make.”</p><p>He couldn’t understand what Janus wanted, what Janus was hoping to accomplish by being here and confronting him. Showing up in the video and stealing Patton’s face had been bad enough, but now he was attacking Virgil in his <em>home.</em></p><p>He cast a hasty glance up towards the stairs, hoping one of the others would appear to come to his aid, yet desperately wanting them to stay away, far away, so they couldn’t be tainted by Janus and his lies and the hidden truth about Virgil’s past. Guilt tugged at his heart, knowing his friends deserved to know who he <em>truly</em> was and where he had come from, the things he had done, the people he had associated with… but he had <em>finally</em> earned his chance at a new start. He couldn’t risk jeopardizing that.</p><p>So he squared his shoulders and put on a brave face and demanded, “What do you want?”</p><p>Hatred bubbled in Janus’s eyes, poisoning his expression, twisting the knife in Virgil’s heart just a little more. “Oh <em>Anxiety,”</em> he purred, all broken promises and hollow words and empty smiles, “I’m here to congratulate you.”</p><p>Virgil said nothing, knowing anything he did say would only be adding fuel to the fire.</p><p>“I’m proud, you know. You stood up for yourself. You saw what you wanted and you took it, consequences be damned. Never mind who you wronged and used and walked all over to get there. Because <em>you</em> got your <em>happy ending,</em> and that’s all that matters, right?”</p><p>Virgil’s blood boiled at the accusation. “I didn’t do this <em>for me.</em> I did this for <em>Thomas.”</em></p><p>Janus was in front of his face in half a second, jabbing a finger into his chest and snarling, “Don’t you <em>dare</em> lie to me! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten so much that you think you can lie to my face and get away with it!”</p><p>“This isn’t on me!” Virgil grabbed Janus’s wrist and pulled it down and away from him, holding him in place. If Janus wanted to play it like this, Virgil wasn’t afraid to fight just as dirty. He leaned closer, getting in Janus’s face. “You can’t manipulate me, not this time! I’m not your puppet anymore! I’m not the bad guy here!”</p><p>Janus flinched back, ripping his arm from Virgil’s hold. <em>“Not the bad–”</em> he repeated, aghast, before a saccharine smile spread across his face. “Of course.” He looked up at the ceiling, harsh laughter spilling past his lips. “How could I forget? <em>I’m</em> the villain in this story. I’m <em>always</em> the villain.” His expression turned sharp and eager. “You did such a good job, painting us in black and white, solidifying your place here, making <em>me</em> the monster. I must have taught you too well how to lie, because your idiotic companions eat up whatever nonsense you tell them.”</p><p>Something squeezed painfully inside Virgil’s chest, and he pressed his lips together, looking away.</p><p>“What <em>did</em> you tell them, I wonder?”</p><p>Janus started to walk around him, like a predator stalking prey, circling ever closer, waiting for the right moment to strike and take the kill. It made Virgil’s skin crawl, but he resisted the urge to hide in his hoodie, knowing Janus would relish any visible reaction.</p><p>“No, really, I’m curious – what was it? What tale did you spin? It must have been a good one, it had to be, for them to care about you as much as they do.” Janus gestured as he spoke and circled him, all the while watching with a calculating gaze, looking for any crack in Virgil’s carefully guarded expression, searching for any weakness to exploit. He started probing:</p><p>“Did you tell them you were forced to do the things you did?”</p><p>“Did you tell them I pulled your strings, that I made you my <em>puppet?”</em></p><p>“Did you tell them it was awful, living with the <em>dark</em> sides? That we hurt you, that we controlled you?”</p><p>“Did you let them think that they were <em>heroes,</em> that they rescued you from the big bad <em>Deceit?”</em></p><p>Virgil couldn’t help but flinch. Janus’s constant questions were making his guilt worsen and grow, because he <em>hadn’t</em> told the light sides <em>anything.</em></p><p>Janus froze in his pacing for a moment, a wide sinister grin pulling at his lips as he misread Virgil’s flinch for acknowledgement that he had guessed correctly. He held his gaze for a long moment before looking away, oozing malicious smugness as he disappeared from Virgil’s sight, continuing in his circle around him.</p><p>“They would just <em>love</em> that, wouldn’t they, getting to perpetuate their self-aggrandizing narrative. Oh, I can practically see their faces now, the way they reassure each other of their righteousness and virtue, taking the poor, injured, baby <em>Anxiety</em> under their wings. <em>Thank god,</em> they rescued you from the influences of <em>evil.”</em></p><p>Virgil waited, tense and apprehensive, for Janus to walk around from behind him and continue his vindictive monologue. But Janus didn’t show. He weighed his options and eventually gave in and turned around to see Janus staring at him in mock-contemplation, one hand on his other elbow, the other hand at his chin.</p><p>“I’m not surprised you didn’t tell them the truth.”</p><p>He grit his teeth and purposely did not ask, <em>what truth?</em>, knowing all too well that Janus was going to tell him anyway.</p><p>“After all,” Janus’s sharp smile dropped from his face in one fluid motion, making room for something darker and layered, “How could you tell them that you were one of us? How could you tell them that you used to be involved in all our <em>schemes?”</em> Gloved hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. “What would they say, if they knew <em>exactly</em> just how <em>friendly</em> you were with me? With us <em>both?"</em></p><p>Virgil’s eyes widened at the last word, knowing exactly where Janus was steering the conversation, but he found himself unable to say anything at all to stop it.</p><p>“Lest you forget, it’s not only <em>my</em> past that yours is intertwined with. I wonder, in the eyes of your idiotically pious friends, which crime is worse: fraternizing with the snake or the Duke?”</p><p><em>“Stop,”</em> Virgil choked out. He was surprised when Janus fell silent, watching him, waiting. “Don’t bring him into this.”</p><p>After a moment, revulsion flashed across Janus’s face. “You can’t even say his name,” he realized aloud, and the clear disdain in his voice made shame constrict around Virgil’s lungs.</p><p>The unspoken name hovered in the air between them: <em>Remus.</em></p><p>Janus tilted his head, working his jaw before finally asking, “Can you bring yourself to say <em>mine?”</em></p><p>Virgil’s silence damned him.</p><p>Stumbling back a step, Janus opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked away from Virgil as if he couldn’t stand to see him a second longer. His expression was cold, eyes tracing the floor in front of him, but Virgil knew calculations he could never hope to understand were racing through Janus’s mind.</p><p>“What <em>would</em> they say?” Janus asked, barely above a whisper, something determined in the slant of his mouth as he looked back up and pinned Virgil in place with a look. “What would they say if they knew?”</p><p>“Don’t –”</p><p>Janus ignored him and continued speaking, and Virgil couldn’t do anything but fall quiet and listen. “You and Remus were inseparable. What would <em>Roman</em> say? Would he be jealous? Angry? Disgusted?”</p><p>The eye shadow under Virgil’s eyes darkened and the shadows in the dim room inched ever closer to the two of them, but neither paid any attention.</p><p>“What would they say, if they knew the things you did with Remus in the Imagination? If they knew the things the two of you discussed? If they knew about the things that you helped him create?”</p><p>“And what about you? You think you were <em>innocent?”</em> The second the words left his mouth, Virgil knew they had been a mistake, but it was too late to take them back.</p><p>“And what about me,” Janus repeated the words slowly, in a sick gleeful lilt. “Where should I start? What would I tell them first? How well we worked together? How <em>you</em> helped me with my disguises? How <em>you</em> taught me that we should stand up to the others? Should I tell them that? Is that what you want?”</p><p>Virgil shook his head, trying to block out Janus’s voice, wishing the floor would swallow him whole.</p><p>“They always assumed <em>I</em> was the ringleader of our little circus, the mastermind behind every mishap. But you and I both know that wasn’t true, don’t we?”</p><p>“Don’t –”</p><p>“Should I tell them that <em>I</em> was the first person you told your name? That <em>I</em> was the one who taught you that your role is important? That <em>I</em> was the one you trusted, confided in, shared your fears and thoughts and hopes and –”</p><p>“Stop! You–”</p><p>“That <em>I</em> was the one you <em>always</em> ran to, when you had nightmares and panic attacks and breakdowns, in the middle of the night, when you were crying and broken and –”</p><p>
  <strong>“ENOUGH!”</strong>
</p><p>Janus fell silent, sucking in a sharp breath, watching Virgil with wide eyes.</p><p>Chest heaving, Virgil counted endlessly in his head, trying and failing to hold himself together at the seams. He closed his eyes, uncaring about Janus anymore, knowing there wasn’t much more that could be done to him. A million emotions raced through his heart, each one more acerbic and crushing than the previous. Tears built behind his eyes and in the back of his throat, but he carefully held them back, not daring to do anything but take purposefully measured breaths until he felt like his legs were steady underneath him again.</p><p>When he opened his eyes, Janus was waiting, an unspoken question written across his face, and for one single dangerously innocent moment, Virgil started to reassure him, <em>I’m okay,</em> before remembering that things had been irreparably changed from the time when Janus would have asked, <em>are you alright?</em></p><p>Janus looked away, pain coloring his expression, sorrow sitting heavy on his shoulders. His voice lost its angry edge, quieter in volume, turning bitter and accusing. “I’m sorry you found your old life so difficult. You’ll have to excuse my flaws – I’m only a <em>dark</em> side after all. Can you really expect more from me?”</p><p>Virgil’s fingers wound their way into his hair without him noticing, pulling until he winced. “Stop manipulating me! You made your choices! I grew and changed, and you could have too!” The question he didn’t dare ask burned in the back of his throat: <em>why didn’t you?</em> He forced himself to hold Janus’s gaze, forced himself to be firm and unafraid and unbothered. “I won’t stand here and let you play with my feelings.”</p><p>Janus froze. <em>“Your</em> feelings?” He ducked his head, looking down at the floor, and it took Virgil a moment to place the strange noise he heard coming from him. It was <em>laughter</em> – the deranged, unhinged kind of laughter that only came from Remus. Janus’s shoulders shook, all the tense anger gone from his body now, replaced by apathetic easiness. “Your feelings? And what about <em>mine?”</em> His eyes glinted, his one golden eye seeming to glow in the dark room. “I can’t bring up <em>my</em> feelings or suddenly I’m manipulating you? Is that how this works? Is that <em>fair?</em>”</p><p>“I –” Virgil didn’t know what to say to that. His heart skipped a beat, a voice whispering doubts in the back of his head, asking if Janus was right, if he <em>was</em> the bad guy here.</p><p>“All this time, I never knew why you left. Was it me? Remus? Did you really hate us that much? Did you hate us all along? Did we never notice?”</p><p>The words were crystalline, fragile, and they didn’t seem rehearsed, as the rest of Janus’s big speech had felt. In fact, Virgil wasn’t sure if these words were even meant for him at all.</p><p>“Was it all a lie? Were you ever happy with us?”</p><p>It was an accusation, but it wasn’t, and it felt more like Janus was pleading with him. Virgil was <em>terrified</em> to realize that Janus was crying.</p><p>“Did you ever regret leaving? Did you ever have any doubts?”</p><p>Sorrow-filled desperation clouded Janus’s voice as he searched Virgil’s face, looking for what, Virgil couldn’t say. Janus had taken a step closer to him at some point, looking for all the world like he wanted to reach out, grasping at any kind of explanation, any shred of affection that Virgil might offer him.</p><p>“Do you – could you –” Janus cut himself off, pressing a hand over his mouth, smothering a sob. Then he took a deep breath and held it for a long time. Slowly, oh so slowly, he lowered the hand that was in front of his mouth. The tension eased bit by bit from his frame, and then he stood up straighter and squared his shoulders. The tears on his face were wiped away. His cape was smoothed out along his shoulders and down his front. He touched the clasp between his collarbones. He sniffled. “Ah.” A tiny smiled appeared, gone before it was ever really there, full of polite sadness. “I won’t manipulate you any longer.”</p><p>Janus reached out, like he was going to strike him, like he was going to put a gentle hand to Virgil’s cheek, and Virgil didn’t know which would have been worse. Needless to say, he nearly tripped over his feet as he flinched away. Janus winced and stepped back, keeping his hands firmly at his sides. The regret was so painfully obvious, Virgil could almost taste it in the air.</p><p>Virgil’s vision blurred, and with a startled noise and a hand to his own cheek, he realized <em>he</em> was crying now too. (Something shattered inside him as he belatedly understood that Janus was reaching to wipe the tears from his cheek.)</p><p>A noise left Janus’s mouth, as if he started to say something and changed his mind as he was saying it. He looked away, his gloved hands disappearing behind his back.</p><p>Over the static of emotion roaring in his ears, in his mind, in his heart, Virgil could barely string together a coherent thought. “I…”</p><p>“It’s fine.” Janus stepped backward, and when Virgil took a step towards him, Janus took two more away. “I shouldn’t have come.”</p><p>Fear seized him when he realized Janus was going to leave. He tensed, ready to lunge and grab him, but Janus shook his head and took another step backward.</p><p>“You got what you always wanted.” Janus’s voice was soft and tired and melancholic, hoarse from crying, tears still shimmering in his eyes. He offered Virgil a broken smile. “Good for you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fingers closed around his wrist, preventing him from leaving the light side for the dark. He wanted to pull away or push back, <em>hard,</em> but he forced himself to freeze. He held Virgil’s wide-eyed gaze unblinkingly. From the look on Virgil’s face, he wasn’t sure which one of them was more surprised.</p><p>“Let me go.” He didn’t leave any room for opinions in his demand, making it clear that he was not asking.</p><p>He watched Virgil shake his head. His free hand, covered by the end of his jacket sleeve, roughly brushed the tears on his cheek. The shadows under his eyes were so dark and had spread down his face so much that they should have smeared horribly, but there wasn’t enough light in the room for Janus to see if they did or not.</p><p>“You’ll leave,” Virgil accused, pleading with him silently to do the opposite.</p><p>The thing he tried to keep firmly locked behind his ribs, the thing he was often accused of not having, clenched traitorously in his chest. <em>I don’t want to leave. I won’t. I’ll stay.</em> A dozen reassurances formed and died on his tongue, remnants of a time long since gone.</p><p>“Virgil,” he said in a low voice, carefully pronouncing the syllables, slow enough that he knew Virgil could see his fangs. It was meant to be a warning, but he belatedly realized he had used Virgil’s name instead of his title, <em>Anxiety.</em></p><p>And Virgil noticed the slip too, because he only grew more determined, tightening his grip on Janus’s wrist. “This is important.” His eyes flickered back and forth between Janus’s own. <em>“Please,</em> Janus.”</p><p>The fight left Janus all at once. How could he say no, when Virgil asked like that? A headache started to form behind his temples, reminding him that absolutely nothing good at all could come of this.</p><p>It had to be a trick, that much was obvious. This was some kind of ruse, some kind of ploy, because there was no way Virgil held anything but ill will towards him. There was something else going on, something deeper, some kind of second agenda. But even knowing so, even knowing he was being baited into some kind of trap, Janus couldn’t help but step directly into the cage. How could he not? How could he do anything but play along when Virgil was offering something he had wanted for so long now?</p><p>It was despicably pathetic, in all honesty. All Virgil had to do was <em>not-scowl</em> and suddenly Janus could see the end of the rainbow. But having been at odds for so long… Virgil not-scowling felt like the most that Janus could ask of him. It was a best-case scenario, bordering on an impossibility.</p><p>And yet there they were.</p><p>Virgil’s desperate, earnest expression was burning him, so he turned his head away, letting his shoulders drop the tiniest amount. “Alright,” he conceded softly. “But let me go.”</p><p>“What?” Confusion gave way to irritation, but strangely, it didn’t seem to be directed at Janus. “No, that’s not…”</p><p>Janus tried to pull his wrist free, but Virgil had an iron-clad grip, unwilling to budge even slightly. Firmly, he started to admonish, “Anxiety –”</p><p>Virgil’s hand that was not holding his wrist came up to grab a hand-full of his cape. He blurted out, “Did you mean it?”</p><p>They were close, too close, and the way Virgil was looking at him, like maybe he <em>didn’t</em> hate him, Janus felt as if he couldn’t breathe. For a moment, he was lost in a world where Virgil had never left, where things had never turned twisted and poisoned between them. And then the moment was gone, because regret filled Virgil’s eyes and he winced. He let go of Janus’s cape, although not his wrist, and took half of a step back, staring pointedly at somewhere over his shoulder.</p><p>Janus blinked rapidly, attempting to come up with an explanation for what had just happened before giving up entirely. He asked, <em>what?,</em> or at least, that’s what he thought he had asked, but when the word left his mouth, it had somehow turned into a noise instead of a word, and it sounded almost distressed.</p><p>“I said,” Virgil murmured, still not looking at him, “Did you mean it?” He didn’t offer any other clarification beyond that, although Janus could see the wheels turning in his mind, struggling to find the words and put them together in the right order. (Virgil had never been good at words, not like him.) Janus let him take his time, watching him chew on his lower lip, trying to commit the moment to memory.</p><p>Who knew if Virgil would not-scowl at him ever again?</p><p>“You mentioned – when you…” Virgil frowned and sighed, and Janus wanted to laugh because no matter how many times Virgil rehearsed and practiced, he always seemed to stumble over his words. “Earlier you said… you asked if I hated you. And Remus.”</p><p>Janus’s stomach sank. “A mistake.” It was his turn to look away. “Foolish of me, really, to ask a question to which I already knew the answer.”</p><p>“No, that’s – let me talk. Just for a minute.” Virgil’s voice wasn’t annoyed. It should have been annoyed. But it wasn’t, it was pleading, and that was <em>wrong</em> and Janus couldn’t make sense of it.</p><p>He couldn’t do anything but nod wordlessly.</p><p>“Did you mean… do you really think… that I hate you?”</p><p>The hesitance, the halting questions, the worry written between Virgil’s eyebrows, it was too much. Janus couldn’t help but suck in a breath, suddenly feeling as though he couldn’t breathe. The implications of Virgil’s question… Janus refused to even think it. Thinking it meant acknowledging that there was a chance, even if a tiny one, that things… could be different.</p><p>“You have to,” Janus answered back, eyes blown wide with a panicked feeling that was bordering far too close to hope. “You have to hate me,” he repeated, light-headed and too warm and too cold and too <em>visible.</em></p><p>Virgil’s hold on his wrist loosened. “Why?”</p><p>His mind, his <em>eyes</em> were swimming with emotion again. He <em>hated</em> it. “You left.” He pulled away from Virgil, but didn’t step back, worried any movement would make Virgil grab onto him again. “You left… and you didn’t come back.”</p><p>A bitter chuckle escaped Virgil’s mouth. “You made it abundantly <em>clear</em> that I wasn’t welcome back.”</p><p>“I…” And what could he say to that? Virgil was right. He had delivered an ultimatum: them or us. Virgil had made his choice and left. But Janus had still wanted him to come back, regardless of what he said and how he acted and regardless of what Virgil had done. Insisting petulantly, <em>I wanted you back anyway,</em> didn’t seem like the right thing to say though, so he gave in and sighed, admitting Virgil was right. “I know.”</p><p>“But I should have come back.” Virgil’s mouth was set with a firm conviction, eyes narrowed slightly. “I wanted to work <em>with</em> Thomas and the light sides, but I never wanted to <em>stop</em> working with you and Remus. I shouldn’t have let you dictate the terms. I should have come back and called you out on your bullshit and knocked some sense into you but I didn’t and <em>I’m sorry.”</em></p><p>Janus tried to take a deep breath, but it caught and stumbled, and he choked on air. <em>“What?”</em></p><p>Virgil laughed, and it sounded like redemption and hope and all the things that Janus never dared to dream he could ever have. Virgil ran a hand through his hair and smiled, and in a moment of irrational fear, Janus was worried he was in the Imagination and none of this was <em>real.</em> But then Virgil said, “You’re an asshole,” and reality came crashing back down on his shoulders. “You’re a bully and a liar. You’re bossy. You get on my very last nerves, and I know you do it on purpose.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure when he had looked away or stepped back until Virgil reached out and grabbed him again, making his gaze snap up to meet Virgil’s.</p><p>“But you’re <em>my</em> asshole.”</p><p>Janus froze. Tried to process what that meant. Tried not to scream or cry or do any number of embarrassing things. “I’m telling Remus you said that.” The words left Janus’s mouth before he could think about it and stop himself, but Virgil blinked and then burst into laughter, round and warm and <em>happy,</em> and then Janus was laughing too, both of them giggling like children until tears ran down their cheeks.</p><p>Then the laughter subsided and left them, standing alone in the dark, Virgil’s hand on Janus’s arm, lingering smiles etched into both of their faces. Suddenly it seemed very important that Virgil should keep holding him there.</p><p>“You’re my best friend,” Virgil reworded his previous statement, something soft in his voice, a tinge of humor coloring his expression. “So I should have never let you cause such a mess of things.”</p><p>“I…” Everything he wanted to say clung to his ribs, refusing to allow itself to be spoken. “But…” He floundered, forming words that never made any sound.</p><p>Virgil grinned, wide enough that it had to hurt his face. “And I thought you were supposed to be the one that was good with words.”</p><p>He was elated that Virgil was teasing him, joking with him, and he wanted to bottle the moment so he could hold onto it forever, but this was <em>important</em> and he knew he was doing it all wrong, standing there frozen and unable to say a single fucking thing. He <em>needed</em> to say something, several somethings, but he was struck speechless, unable to piece together more than a single desperate word. <em>“Virgil.”</em></p><p>The hand on his arm was removed, and he barely had a moment to panic before Virgil was gently soothing, “It’s okay, really. You don’t always have to have the words. We’re okay.” There was a pause, and then Janus could <em>see</em> the doubt form in Virgil’s mind. “Aren’t we?”</p><p>Janus shook his head and murmured, <em>“Yes,”</em> contradicting himself, but it looked like Virgil understood. “I missed you,” he whispered, barely audible at all, trembling with vulnerability, halfway expecting Virgil to laugh and say it had all been one big joke.</p><p>But Virgil scoffed and pulled him into a hug, tight and warm and <em>perfect,</em> and neither said anything about the fragile way they held each other, as if worried that the other might disappear into smoke at any second.</p><p>“Logan's right,” Virgil said, muffled by Janus’s shoulder. “I really do have zero braincells.”</p><p>“What about Logan?” Janus couldn’t help but ask. “What about the others?”</p><p>Virgil moved back, and Janus let him go.</p><p>“What about them?” Virgil repeated and dismissed with a shrug. “If they don’t like you, that’s fine, but they’ll have to suck it up that <em>I do.”</em></p><p>Relief crashed over him like an ocean wave, nearly knocking him off his feet. For the first time in a long time, it felt like maybe the world was good and kind and maybe there was a future worth looking forward to and worth having.</p><p>“What about Remus?” Virgil asked carefully, looking like he was waiting to be told horrible news.</p><p>Janus hesitated. He wasn’t Remus, and he couldn’t speak for him, but… “He misses you,” he admitted quietly. “Sometimes I think you two were brothers more than Roman and Remus ever were. And… he’s hurt, not that he shows it. But he’d burn down the world for you, if you asked.”</p><p>It didn’t quite look like Virgil believed him, or maybe that wasn’t the answer he had been hoping for, but Janus couldn’t do anything but urge, “Just talk to him. He’ll come around.” Because Remus was just like him, when it came to Virgil. If they were offered a kind word or an extended hand, how could they do anything but eagerly accept?</p><p>“Yeah. Okay.” Virgil gave him a tight smile.</p><p>They stared at each other for a while. Janus felt a bit like he was in shock, still surprised that this confrontation had ended the way it had. He was sure it would be some time before he could fully process everything that had been said and all the emotions that was buried just beneath the surface, waiting to overwhelm him the moment he went back to his room.</p><p>“So,” Virgil said carefully, breaking into Janus’s thoughts, disrupting the spell of silence that had settled over the room. “I guess I should go to bed.”</p><p>Janus glanced at the time and winced. “Yeah.”</p><p>The thought of leaving made something squeeze in his chest. It was ridiculous, but it felt like the moment he left, the moment Virgil was out of his sight, things would return to the way they were before, as if nothing had ever happened. He didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to be alone, and the thought of waking up and being forced to wonder if this was all a fever dream gave him the courage to ask, “Would you – I don’t want –”</p><p>It shouldn’t have made sense, but Virgil looked at him with far too much gentleness and nodded, relief in his eyes. “Yeah.”</p><p>Janus didn’t have the guts to say, <em>your room or mine?, </em>didn’t have the audacity to admit what they were talking about in not so many words. So he held out his hand, trying to ask without asking, <em>come with me?</em></p><p>Virgil took his hand, and Janus let himself start to hope for what he previously thought to be impossible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Update: I have now listened to Dear Evan Hansen and loved it!!</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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